It’s only been a day but it’s been extremely hard. I really can’t deal with it. Deal being without her. But it is for the best. I messed up. I made a mistake. I just needed somewhere to vent to because I feel like I’ve lost one of my bestfriends who i can vent almost anything to. Tumblr be my new bestfriend to vent to! Joking there. I really need to change myself. It’s hard. Today has been extremely hard for me and I bet for her too. We promised to never leave one another and always be together forever and yesterday we took a break. Idk if that means we are still together or not but it hurt a lot. I don’t even know how I can hyperventilate. It’s been years since the first and only time I did. She is a beautiful woman. A great heart and mind. Smart and witty. Perfect in my eyes. She says I’ll move on and find better… but I think she’s the best. That’s my thoughts there. I’ll leave that there. It won’t reach anyone for a while. I only want my words to reach her. But even just writing this tumblr post shows I’m still crazy addicted to her. Losing my sanity if I’m not with her. Just like our song. Our song is beautiful but, in a scary way, it talks about us. We are addicted to one another. It shouldn’t be the kind of addicted we’re at now. It should be the balanced kind. We’re in love with each other but should control it. I hope we aren’t apart for long though. If we ever get back together I’ll be changed by then. I feel changed but I can’t prove it until next semester and this winter break. I have a long way to go before I can call myself a man and responsible. She’s special to me. I don’t want to lose her. I won’t lose her… Unless she finds another, better man… But I will get myself better hopefully before that happens. I’m sorry still. That everything and us came down to where it is now. I wish I could speak to you and hear you. See your beautiful face with those rosy cheeks of yours. That smile of yours different from any other’s. The way your eyes make a cute but funny sound when you blink. Everything about you. I’ll be strong. I’m going to do this. I am doing this. How? You’ll see. My result won’t be in failure and laziness.